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I am speaking from my own experience right now. I wanted to address trying versus not trying. I feel that during the time I have actively been working on my own spiritual development, my path. Call it whatever you want. It wasn’t ordinary life because it was more my spiritual, inner life. I was interested in it. It wasn’t that I wanted to be saved. I wanted to understand. That’s all.
So, the idea was simple. The journey was
not. I was surprised.
In the beginning, I suppose I was
looking for some dos and don’ts, much like the Ten Commandments. Simple. Do this,
and this is the result. A quick way to salvation. Do this for 30 days and lose
45 pounds. Do that, and you can say, “I’m enlightened”. End of story.
Well, the story never ends. It just
doesn’t. Does it end with this lifetime? I’ve discovered that it might not.
Am I more than a person who is clothed
in flesh with blood coursing through my veins? Well, yes and no. I’m a person
who exists in my past, in my present, and in my future. I’m also a person who
exists simultaneously on different planes of existence all at the same time.
Doesn’t it get confusing?
Well, yes and no.
If I can equate the process to learning
to drive, I might say the anticipation of being able to drive a car would
represent to a teenager a newfound freedom. Before, you had to be ferried here
and there by your family or by friends. You might have had a bicycle and have
gone to places on it. But, to drive? No. Some of your friends were getting
their student driver's licenses. You did the same.
In the beginning, you had a vision of
yourself as a driver. Did that actually come true? No. You had to learn new
skills. You had to be present in the moment as a driver. You had to develop a
way of focusing on your driving. You had to keep yourself safe, you had to keep
others safe. You had to learn the traffic laws. You had to experience driving
on dry, wet, and snowy pavement. You had to know that with rough driving
conditions, you couldn’t go as fast as you wanted to.
You had to learn all this new stuff and
keep it inside, always aware of yourself and your circumstances. You could not
be distracted. You couldn’t text or talk on the phone while you were driving.
You had to learn that if something on the side attracted your attention, you
would unconsciously drive toward it. So, the idea of looking forward, around
you, at your speedometer, and in your rear-view mirror was a habit you would
need to learn. Nobody told you that before you learned to drive. These were
habits and practices that would eventually be so ingrained in your driving
experience that you no longer had to think consciously about them.
In the end, it was both conscious and unconscious all at the same time.
Learning about myself as a spiritual
being took the same sort of attention and inattention that learning to drive
involved. Did I know that in the beginning? No. Did I think there were magic
buttons? Yes. Was I wrong? Yes. Real wrong, and yet it was real right at the
same time.
A person can only absorb so much when
they are learning something new. I suppose that’s why they tend to limit classroom
experience to 45 minutes rather than 5 hours. After a while, you just get numb.
Do some people learn faster than others? Of course they do. Everybody is
different.
Me? I suppose I was stubborn. Somewhere
in my accumulated life of interesting moments, I have a reading from one of the
Michael channels. Psychic readings from an entity of spiritual folk who call
themselves Michael. It’s sort of like doing an enneagram of yourself. Chief
features and tendencies. Soul age. I’m an old soul, Sage, with, I believe, a
stubborn streak. The difference between a mature soul and an old soul is that a
mature soul says things like “Do it my way or hit the highway.” An old soul
would say something like, “Who cares what you do? It’s all good.”
Anyway, drifting? Yes, I have drifted,
but I’ve also been focused on what I have sought. Think of it like you are
blindfolded. You have a pin, and you’re playing a game of Pin the Tail on the
Donkey. There’s a balloon up ahead. You need to find it and pop it with the
pin.
The goal and your strategic advance. I
had the questions I wanted answers to: Does God exist? What can I do? Does
prayer work? I’m sure you’ve had similar questions. So, you ask them. You can
put it in writing. You can think of them in your head. You put the question out
into the universe to be answered, and then, this is the hard part, you sit back
and relax. You wait. You are open to the books that come your way. You’re going
to be seeing presentations on YouTube or on podcasts that are interesting.
Over the years, I have learned about
many belief systems. I treasure my Christian upbringing, and yet I can see the
value of most any religion. What I get fractious about is the insistence on
rules. I will read anything. I will generally find value in whatever I read or
watch, whether it is “Hey, this is a good idea” to “Ahhh, I don’t like this,
nor do I hope to ever be caught dead doing it.”
You are a discriminating human being. Value
that.
Peace Out.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate the
support. I’ve listed a bunch of places where I am on the internet.
🌺 Pauline
Evanosky
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To Spirit — my website
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To Spirit on Substack
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Evanosky on Medium
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