Suggestions to improve your spirits or your productivity don’t always work. At least, as promised. I’ve discovered that over the years, depending on my emotional centeredness, I get mixed results.
I think, if you’re going to try a new habit, you need to
make allowances for how receptive you might be. For instance, in the beginning,
say the first few days, you are absolutely on board. You can’t wait to get
started every day. By the fourth day, the newness of this habit is wearing off.
Rather than abandon it, what I think might work is if you
were to either trick yourself or maybe do a bit of soul searching.
See, trying to develop a good new habit for yourself is
guaranteed to push your buttons. If you ignore the fact that you’re trying to
force a square peg into a round hole, well, just giving up is the easiest
thing. There is the added bonus of being angry at yourself, which isn’t that
productive.
However, if you try to figure out why things aren’t working
as planned, that might provide an answer for you.
First of all, don’t panic. You don’t have to fall into a
swamp of despair and think you have failed once again. The thing with goals is that
they are actually a moving target. The closer you get, the more they move, so
your approach might need to change, too.
Okay, just because I know a lot about it, let’s talk about a
diet. I’ve actually lost close to 75 pounds three times in my life. That’s a
lot of weight. However, I’ve managed each time to gain it all back and then
some. So, in part, I sort of know what I’m talking about. I just haven’t been
willing to do the psychological work.
It is not merely a matter of forcing yourself to go on a
diet. Well, not me anyway. There are so many emotional strings and things to
trip on with my relationship with food. What I know is going to work? It’s
something I’m not willing to do. But I would need to go into therapy. I totally
recommend therapy for all sorts of problems that plague you.
I have taken it as far as I’m willing to go. This is at
least a year’s worth of introspective work. Also, being fat has its advantages,
and until those advantages outweigh the disadvantages, well, right. It’s just
not going to work. Besides, I’m 70 years old. Who cares?
Anyway, when you start running into roadblocks, you need to
peek behind the barriers to see what is going on in your heart. I’ll admit it
is scary stuff. But, for people who haven’t had much luck with sheer
determination, well, you’ve got to help it along a little bit.
However, you can also trick yourself. See, a habit, so they
tell me, forms after three weeks of work. I’m pretty sure it takes me a bit
longer than that. I fall off a lot, but then, if the habit is worth it, I climb
right back up again. Generally speaking.
Bribes work. You can say to yourself that if you do it, you
will get a reward. Like, you don’t have to make the bed or something silly like
that. Or you could make yourself a fancy coffee with whipped cream on it.
You could also tease yourself, saying that if you only do
the thing for the next three days, you can take a break and reassess. The idea
is to keep up your momentum.
I remember when I quit smoking. That had to have been the
worst thing I’ve ever done. For the first three days, I used a different tactic
each day. One day, I sucked cherry cough drops and drank black coffee. It was a
horrible taste, very much like liking the bottom of an ashtray, even though I’ve
never done that before. It did replicate the mouth feel of having just smoked a
cigarette. Another day, I wore a rubber band around one wrist and snapped it
every time I got the urge to have a cigarette. Leading up to the grand, final
push to quit smoking, there were days when I could only quit for 20 minutes. I
remember once I asked my husband to put my cigarettes down in the car’s glove
compartment. If I wanted one, I had to ask him for one. Believe me, he was not
pleased to have to go down at 11:30 at night just because I was craving a
cigarette. To give him credit, he did do that for me, but I felt guilty. So,
that ploy didn’t last long.
I tried freezing them. That didn’t work. I just smoked cold
cigarettes.
I just kept trying. Sometimes I sneaked them. I wouldn’t
admit it then, but it was the only way I could stay sane. Cigarettes can be a
horrible addiction. I’ve heard it said that it’s as bad or worse than coming
off a heroin addiction. Anyway, it took a long time.
Now, I can’t stand next to someone who is smoking. Luckily,
in California, not that many people smoke anymore. At least, that’s been my
experience. However, I’m a writer and have chosen to stay in my house, so that
could be part of it too. But the smell of smoke, even if it is somebody outside
with their smoke drifting into my house, makes me ill.
I just looked it up on Google. The highest percentage of
folks who smoke in the US are from West Virginia at 21%. The lowest percentage is
for folks in Utah at 6.7%. California is next up, at 9.7%, after Utah. It’s
just better not to smoke. Once I added up what I saved by not smoking. I could
have bought a house.
In any case, that is a really good habit to quit. Plus, food
tastes and smells so much better once you are smoke-free. You will live longer, and your quality of life
will be better. You know what you need to do.
However, back to changing your habits. Sometimes a habit
needs to be adjusted. Like with me, I wanted to start a habit of jumping out of
bed in the morning, and the second my feet hit the floor, I’d be grateful for
something. James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, suggested that habit. Well,
I tried it. It sounded good. Except, I’m old, and I don’t leap out of bed. I
also had a hard time remembering to think of something to be grateful for
instead of getting myself to the bathroom first. By then, I’d forgotten. So, I
changed the habit to suit me. I figured I write pretty much early in the morning.
My plan was that I would write something motivational or uplifting in a
document I call my Do-Good File. Sometimes I miss writing in it if I’m feeling sick
or out of sorts (tax season), but generally, I write. It’s not much. Sometimes,
just 20 words. Sometimes more. And sometimes those thoughts turn into an
article.
So, this isn’t an article telling you what you should do.
You know that better than anyone. It’s just a few ideas of what to do if you
get stalled.
🌺 Pauline
Evanosky
🌺My Links:
Talking
To Spirit — my website since 2001
Pauline Evanosky on Medium
Talking
To Spirit on Substack
Pauline
Evanosky — my author’s website
My
Table of Contents for Medium — Updated Monthly
My Table of Contents for Substack — Also Updated Monthly
Facebook for shorter pieces
Resources for psychic development from my website,
TalkingtoSpirit.com
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